Yesterday I read the message that I randomly opened on interpals

I thought that person knowing me 

Even I never talked and that person didn't out the emoji art

I was glad to read this 

I felt this person know about me

But not sure what is bsm

And I don't want to be an artist or like that I think 

But not sure in me even if I would say it 

Since I can know only the meaning and feel me is exist just with the way what I'm doing 

Even if I would want what I need from one person

That person may not give me all what I need 

It is not the things 

I always want is warmness and love feelings from a person's heart 

It makes me happy in me that feel those 

But if I cannot feel it I feel very lonely and feel anxiery 

And feel me is not exist

I cannot know me 

Without like that person 

Because I know how me is nothing and worthless creature

And wanting something too good things to like this one

I understand it very well

But I just know what I need and want 

I don't want to feel lonely and empty

Especially after the happiness 

It makes me more lonelier and emptier so very much 

And want to avoid the things 

Because there is not all the time happiness in this world

But maybe me is like this one because I can live only on the internet world now

I don't know what it is like in the real world

But I am scared to feel coldness 

It easily can hurt me and feel down 

I feel sad mostly when I cannot feel care from a person 

I'm not interesting or funny person 

It is just armor to me 

Being like a clown

But I think only me know real me 

But not sure me is too moody 

But I think I know me

I want kindness and warmness 

And give my warmwarm to them 

I'm not sure 

I'm always confused and not sure what should I do 

But me is too fugly 

For everything 

I don't want to wakeup when I could go to sleep 

"bsm 

and then 

what you really need is to be an artist 

you already have the flame but you dont know how to lead it 

the one for you might be your mirror that make you see the right nature of you 

thats why you need to meet him so much 

and also this passion that flame inside of you  light up sometimes and get cold sometimes  thats    means that you need something new every while to keep it lighting 

if you meet someone and you might love him  but you ll need more than this  to keep this love burning.....  you might feel cold  even if this someone really loving you 

so you need more than just a relationship 

you need someone who loves you and at same time inspire you to find your nature 

maybe you can write or draw or dance or do any kind of art  

and only art can give you the chance to live many lives in one life 

where you can  picture  anything you want 

and you can dream and create your dreams in any piece of art 

so dont feel scared if being moody 

its your system looking for inspiration 

when you feel like that 

do something you love 

and you ll feel satisfied 

connect the all of you with the thing you love 

and you ll never feel lonely 

i know you need someone to see all of these things 

but you ll find him only when you follow your feelings 

i can see in your words that you can express your self so good 

and maybe writing is one of your skills 

even if its start simple 

the huge rain always start with small drops 

and yes dont change your self 

you seems in the right way like that 

and the once who told you that no one will read your long messages 

they look at but they cant see the real you 

so write what you feel and dont care about anyone else 

express your self and let these feelings get out of you whatever they are 

even if they seems weird or crazy 

craziness is kind of self revolution to every formal thing around us 

to bring something new and different and special 

all the genius humans in history  were different than the others 

they acted and thought differently 

for the others they were crazy 

but in fact they were so special and more smart 

i see these sparks of smartness in your words 

i enjoyed what you wrote 

its kind inspiring me to be different"

I won't reply 

But I thank to this person

Read somewhat and wrote this to me 

That person cheered me up with this one message

Like there is a person who can think me is not a bad creature or do a wrong thing in my life still

Because I always have to think me is bad that how I feel and how I think the things 

And I have been told my thinking way is strange and feel too

So I was very sad enough 

And  I almost lose myself 

Because I always felt 27737828 humans would tell me me is bad 

But sometimes there was humans who seemed understand me or let me be real myself and they won't think it's bad or blamed 

But they can be like that and tell me

Just because they never would try to close to me I think 

Just like another ones story but theirs level in the fact

But still I can be glad to know

There is a chance to be accepted how me is 

And the natural me 

I want to be natural

But me is not 100% honest with my feeling is true

If I be honest with it i know what I would do